Author: forthe

I couldn’t give you an adequate representation of the number of animals that have lived with us in 30 years. Yes, I could do my best to list off the dogs and cats, but you need to add in the fish. Oh, the so many fish.

Pets require very little in the way of support to be in your life. You buy, find or are given them and go from there. Feed them, let them go to the bathroom and clean up. Simple.

Missy is the Comforter in Chief of our family. It’s always been this way, but for the last 10 years she’s elevated her comfort provision. Seriously, each one of us has a built in comfort provision level. Mine is about a 5, yours might be more or less. If you are a mother, the level is probably higher. Missy tops out at 10.

Regardless of what is going on, the demands on her at the time, Missy is there to comfort one of us when it is our time of need. And need isn’t just the bad times. There are times when something so stupendously outstanding happens you need an emotional release .. she is there.

Silliness has long been a part of our marriage and in the last 10 years it’s been a respite through 2 new children and more demanding work.

Our silliness happens no matter where we are or what we’re doing. The daily in and out of life has a way of getting on you, but the silliness refreshes you and preps you for what comes next.

Missy’s silliness happens when I don’t expect it. For instance, if I am in a long meeting at work I’ll sometimes video her just to see what is going on at home. When I look down at the screen I see this:

Our marriage been as planned and deliberate as a tornado on a spring day. We have not been a model of forethought and premeditation. It’s lead to problems, but overall it’s been a great thing for us.

When thinking about examples of impulsiveness in the last 10 years Shannon and Tommy bubble to the top. Yes, there was a tiny bit of planning with Shannon, but none with Tommy. This example seems too easy, like saying the sun is yellow.

The better examples include biking, spring break and the minivan.

We’ve been together for over 30 years and throughout it all we’ve been partners, which is especially true in the last 10 years. When you start out in marriage you’re close, really close. As the years pass, you start to move away from each other; interests diverge, time is taken and you look outside the marriage. What I’ve learned is the longer you go in a marriage the more you appreciate and come to rely on your partner.

This is the best I can do to graphically show how close I felt to Missy during our marriage. Excuse the rudimentary drawing.

There’s never been a question about Missy’s focus in our marriage. She demonstrates a considerable amount of focus when it comes to finding what is important and making it the center of attention.

Nothing is more apparent in her focus than our children. All of our children spent considerable time in the hospital after birth with months in the NICU. Missy’s focus was completely on the children during this time. She never missed a day of care and constantly advocated for their treatment and support. I assure you our children wouldn’t have had as positive outcomes without Missy’s focus.

We’ve always been together. Since we met in high school to now, we’re together. In the last 10 years, though, we’ve become entwined. Two people mixed and attached together in marriage.

Together doesn’t mean you quit being your own person. It means you become part of something better, more than yourself.

Our entwinement in the last 10 years was furthered for a few different reasons:

Children: For 18 years we only had one child, but in the last 10 years we’ve added two more. The children have brought us together and it shows when our kids are together. As a family, we do many things together including playtime at night:

I have no problem spending money. Most of the time I think it’s a great idea, yet I later realize it isn’t.

Missy has a big problem spending money. Most of the time she won’t spend money on herself, but she really needs to.

Together, we work out.

Missy’s thriftiness benefits us  in many ways, especially now we have 2 young children. For instance, she focuses on reselling our children’s clothes and buying their new clothes at the resale sales. These are sales attended by thousands of other people looking for great deals on kids clothes. Missy’s strategy is to show up on the last day for the highest percentage off the clothes and it really helps us.

Something given up or lost.

Did you get married to give something or lose it? I didn’t. At first.

As the years pass it’s obvious one of the structural supports of marriage is sacrifice. It’s what allows people to become more of a team than individual players. It shows unselfishness and commitment to something more important than themselves. It’s been important in our marriage and Missy has done our share, especially in the last 10 years.