In a long marriage there is a simple saying:
The idea is the longer you’ve known someone in a relationship the easier it becomes to dislike them. For us, that’s never been an issue since we use our familiarity to love each other more.
I understand the meaning of the phrase, “Familiarity breeds contempt.” With someone other than Missy as my best friend, wife and lover, it would happen. Since Missy brings such a loving perspective to our familiarity, we enrich ourselves more every day.
Missy and I bring this sense of familiarity to our marriage in various ways.
Sentences: Yes, we complete each other’s sentences, but even cooler, each other’s thoughts. The latest example is a gift Missy gave me for our 30th anniversary. It says “I Love you because …” and an area where we can write why in erasable marker.
When I opened it, Missy asked me to guess what she had written and I said, “we are best friends.”
Bingo.
This makes communication easier and more comfortable, but it also is reassuring we know each other so well.
Travel: Long road trips are the norms for our family and recently we’ve taken more than usual. Our familiarity allows us to settle into place and handle the tasks of the trip without any issues. It’s a comfortable activity we make work due to our familiarity.
Goals: Early in our marriage our goals bounced all over the place, but as the years have grown we’ve come together. Our familiarity guides us into wanting the same things. Whether it’s a simple goal as to what is important on the weekends or something more long term like vacation.
Now, look at the photo above. It represents the gift of familiarity in our marriage as it shows Missy sleeping on a weekend after spending an hour reading with Shannon in our backyard on a beautiful spring day. A marriage without a certain familiarity would have rushed her back into the race, pushing her to get going on a weekend.
Familiarity is comfort, it’s knowing, it’s the sense of well being because your life partner is in sync with you.