Missy and my friendship existed before we were married and will continue forever. I know this because friendship is rooted in wanting to spend time with a person and regardless of alive or dead, there is no one I’d rather spend time with.
When I think about the friendship Missy and I share, three things come to the forefront. Vulnerability, honesty and time.
Kidneys: Medical issues make everyone feel vulnerable, especially if follow-up care is required. I’ve suffered kidney stones four times in my life and it isn’t a good experience. Kidney stones are the worst pain a human being can endure, which I am sure is subjective, but to me they are the most painful.
The pain is crushing reducing me to a simple raw emotional goo. All I want is the pain to stop and I will do anything to make that happen. It is at that point I am my most vulnerable and when my best friend Missy takes over.
She sits with me, checks on me, lets me work through the pain trying to distract from it. When I finally succumb and put my manhood aside, she drives me to the hospital, advocates for me and gently touches me to move my focus. My vulnerability shuffles away as I know my best friend is there taking care of me.
Honesty: Many times during our marriage I’ve had some really solid, stupendous ideas. Other times I’ve had some really poor, stupid ideas. It’s when I trot out these stupid ideas Missy is there with the honesty only a best friend can offer. There are times when she isn’t there to catch me and she is just as honest.
The winter storm was bone chilling, icy and snowy. The rest of the family is sleeping and I had to get to work quickly, so I thought the best idea would be to dump hot water on the car windows and follow up with a hoe to remove the snow and ice. It worked great! The ice and snow came off with simple sweeps of the hoe.
Pop.
The back window pops and glass is everywhere. When I tell Missy what happens she is honest and direct about what an idiot I am for thinking this was a good idea. Then we laugh.
Time: How do you know you have a best friend in your spouse? There is no one else you want to spend your time with.
Missy and I have our alone time, but most of the time we’re hanging out doing something around the house, yard or with the kids. Seriously, even though it makes more sense to do errands separately, we’ll do them together because we enjoy each other’s company.
We’ve worked hard at doing this learning early in our marriage there is no substitute for spending time together.
Many times when I’ve gone out of town for business, Missy joins me and we end up spending time we would have otherwise lost. One of our favorite business trips was to Wisconsin. My meetings last Thursday and Friday, so we stayed Saturday and Sunday to have for ourselves. We rented bikes, went to the farmer’s market and just hung out. Time we were blessed to spend with each other.
Our marriage is wonderful, but it is our friendship keeping it alive. Without my best friend, Missy, life would be a lonely series of unfulfilled dreams and barren experiences.